Happy Valentine's Day from my family to yours! Since today is a day of love and compassion, there's no better day than today to talk to you all about my 8 years of love with my best friend and some tips to make and keep a healthy relationship.
Since my boyfriend and I are pretty private people; even with social media being a prevalent part of our lives, I still like to keep things close to the vest (I still feel like some of you out there are still like this). I'll only be sharing certain important parts of our relationship that pertain to my tips. If you have any other questions, please feel free to reach out to me privately 💗. Now that that's been said, let's get to it!
Let's start off with a little background!
Alec and I have been in a relationship now for 8 1/2 years! I always say to people when they ask how it happened and where we met, that we weren't looking for love. Alec was 15 and I was 16 when we started dating. We went to and worked at the same summer camp. The summer of my Junior year of high school we got put in the same division to be camp counselors. As we had just formally met at orientation for camp towards the end of that school year, we bumped into each other outside of our high school (our high school at the time had more than 4,000 students so we never knew that we went to the same high school until we bumped into each other). I think for me the weekend after we bumped into each other outside of school and I was going on a trip with my Dad to visit my grandma in New Jersey, was the weekend that sealed the deal for me. The whole trip up to Jersey, I couldn't stop thinking of him and that's the honest truth. I don't know what it was, his charm, his wit or just his overall presence, but I was hooked. As you can probably tell, I initiated the relationship and asked him to hang out one weekend, and the rest is history. We were inseparable. That summer had to be the best of my life. We didn't travel the world, go to any extravagant places or dine at 5 star restaurants. We just spent time with each other. At that time we spent most of it by the marina by my house (since we didn't have any money), but we got to know each other. There was no big decision made of what we wanted to be or how long we wanted the relationship to last. We were just so enthralled by each other that those thoughts never came around, and to this day they still haven't. There was no plan, no gestation period, we just knew we wanted to be together for the long run. 8 1/2 years later and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, we have moved in together with our cat Barnaby, and are continuing our life together. I couldn't be any happier. Now that you know the big picture, Here are some tips that have honestly kept us together and made our relationship as strong at it is now.
Trust
God, this has to be the most important part of a relationship. When we started dating I was 16 so college was right around the corner. After my senior year (his junior), I went away to SUNY Oneonta where the next 5 years of our relationship would be long distance. I had never been away from home before and of course neither of us had been in a long distance relationship before. Having trust for what each other was doing at night, saying, and taking part in was all we had. We both had to trust in each others love and loyalty to one another which as you all know in college, is a hard thing. Many couples around fell apart at this time as they were lacking trust in each other and jealousy took over their relationship.
Distance
Most people think of this word as a curse to a relationship, where we honestly think of it as a necessity. When starting a relationship at such a young age like we did, we really hadn't yet grown and matured into our true selves yet. There was still so much learning and personal growth left to be done. When I went away to college, we had only been together for a year. Alec was a year younger, and at the time I had been terribly afraid to be away from home. Going away meant I was going to have the opportunity to learn how to be on my own and independent from my family. When it was time for Alec to pick a school to go to, I wanted him so desperately to come to Oneonta. As much as he loved Oneonta and the atmosphere after visiting several times, his career in sports was important to him and Cortland was a better choice for his career. As much as I was heartbroken he wouldn't be with me, it was honestly the best thing for us. I feel like had we not had the distance we had during college, we wouldn't have grown as two separate individuals. We would have been together all the time and not had a chance to have our own experiences, friend group and stories which I think is extremely crucial to mature as a youth. Even now living under the same roof, it's important to have time away from each other. Alec and I will often go out with separate friends during the weekend and keep our normal routines after work that we would have been doing if we lived on our own. Lastly, the other thing that makes distance such an important part of a relationship is "absence makes the heart grow stronger." I know this sounds cliche to say but take a minute to actually think about it. How many times have you forgotten something at home on a long trip and it's the only thing you can think about while you're there? When you get home, you feel so much more appreciative of that item, just by it being "absent" for a period of time. I know that this might be a silly analogy but it's the easiest way for me to explain it. Often times in everyday life we forget how fortunate we are to have someone to love and to care for us. But if you were to take a step back and think about it not being there or go somewhere without it, you appreciate it so much more.
Compromise
Another big one on my list is compromise. In all honesty, if you can't compromise on things in a relationship, it isn't going to last! When moving in together and being in each other's space constantly, it is extremely crucial to make compromises to keep each other happy. When we first moved in we made it clear that I would do all the cleaning and Alec would do all the cooking. making this clear compromise made it easy to keep each other accountable for what our daily functions in the household were as well as taking care of tasks that were comfortable and happy to do. Another thing we routinely compromise on is the TV. I know that sounds like a first-world problem, but you would be surprised how many couples have huge riffs in their relationship due to this. Alec is a huge sports fan so there are days where we both watch sports together, some days he watches on his tablet with headphones and I get to watch my shows on TV, and other times I watch TV on my phone with headphones and he watches sports on the TV. Understanding each other's time and being able to compromise and share the space is so crucial for a long lasting harmonious relationship.
True love and knowledge of your feelings
Often times I feel like couples mistake liking or loving someone for being "in love" with someone. When you're in a relationship, whether it be short or long term, you have to be true to yourself and be able to understand your feelings. A lot of couples mistake happiness and love for being in love with someone. If you are truly looking for a long term relationship you should be in love with the person. You can care about someone without being in love. I find that couples I have come into contact with are sometimes afraid of telling their partner how they feel and are scared to hurt the person by telling them they don't feel the same way about them. I think its just has hurtful to the other person and yourself to stay in a relationship with someone just because you don't want to hurt them or your afraid of being single. Be true to yourself and know when the right person comes around, you'll just know.
Listening and understanding each others needs and wants
If you aren't listening, you aren't understanding. If you don't listen to your partner's needs and wants, you're not fully participating in the relationship. Often times signals can get confusing and we don't always truly understand what the other is saying. It's important to listen carefully, and if you're not understanding something, ask your partner to clarify so that you can better cater to their needs. You need to have an honest enough relationship to be able to tell the other when you don't understand what they are saying, but you can't do that if you haven't started listening and soaking in the conversation.
Keep things fresh
One thing that we are continuously doing is "keeping things fresh". We often will go out on a date night, take a walk, or see something we both haven't seen before. you would honestly be amazed how much you don't know about your partner until you put yourself in a different surrounding. I still learn new things about Alec when we go to a new place just by interacting in places we have both never been to or seen before
Share your passions with each other
It's sometimes hard to share passions with each other because we all like different things. I work in Fashion Marketing and Alec works in Tech Sales so we don't really align on careers. One thing we both love to do is travel. We don't always have the budget to do so, but when we do, we love to travel together. Seeing new places, experiencing new cultures, and eating new things together honestly brings us that much more love for each other.There is nothing better than sharing a passion with the person you love.
XOXO,
Michelle
Since my boyfriend and I are pretty private people; even with social media being a prevalent part of our lives, I still like to keep things close to the vest (I still feel like some of you out there are still like this). I'll only be sharing certain important parts of our relationship that pertain to my tips. If you have any other questions, please feel free to reach out to me privately 💗. Now that that's been said, let's get to it!
Let's start off with a little background!
Alec and I have been in a relationship now for 8 1/2 years! I always say to people when they ask how it happened and where we met, that we weren't looking for love. Alec was 15 and I was 16 when we started dating. We went to and worked at the same summer camp. The summer of my Junior year of high school we got put in the same division to be camp counselors. As we had just formally met at orientation for camp towards the end of that school year, we bumped into each other outside of our high school (our high school at the time had more than 4,000 students so we never knew that we went to the same high school until we bumped into each other). I think for me the weekend after we bumped into each other outside of school and I was going on a trip with my Dad to visit my grandma in New Jersey, was the weekend that sealed the deal for me. The whole trip up to Jersey, I couldn't stop thinking of him and that's the honest truth. I don't know what it was, his charm, his wit or just his overall presence, but I was hooked. As you can probably tell, I initiated the relationship and asked him to hang out one weekend, and the rest is history. We were inseparable. That summer had to be the best of my life. We didn't travel the world, go to any extravagant places or dine at 5 star restaurants. We just spent time with each other. At that time we spent most of it by the marina by my house (since we didn't have any money), but we got to know each other. There was no big decision made of what we wanted to be or how long we wanted the relationship to last. We were just so enthralled by each other that those thoughts never came around, and to this day they still haven't. There was no plan, no gestation period, we just knew we wanted to be together for the long run. 8 1/2 years later and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, we have moved in together with our cat Barnaby, and are continuing our life together. I couldn't be any happier. Now that you know the big picture, Here are some tips that have honestly kept us together and made our relationship as strong at it is now.
Trust
God, this has to be the most important part of a relationship. When we started dating I was 16 so college was right around the corner. After my senior year (his junior), I went away to SUNY Oneonta where the next 5 years of our relationship would be long distance. I had never been away from home before and of course neither of us had been in a long distance relationship before. Having trust for what each other was doing at night, saying, and taking part in was all we had. We both had to trust in each others love and loyalty to one another which as you all know in college, is a hard thing. Many couples around fell apart at this time as they were lacking trust in each other and jealousy took over their relationship.
Distance
Most people think of this word as a curse to a relationship, where we honestly think of it as a necessity. When starting a relationship at such a young age like we did, we really hadn't yet grown and matured into our true selves yet. There was still so much learning and personal growth left to be done. When I went away to college, we had only been together for a year. Alec was a year younger, and at the time I had been terribly afraid to be away from home. Going away meant I was going to have the opportunity to learn how to be on my own and independent from my family. When it was time for Alec to pick a school to go to, I wanted him so desperately to come to Oneonta. As much as he loved Oneonta and the atmosphere after visiting several times, his career in sports was important to him and Cortland was a better choice for his career. As much as I was heartbroken he wouldn't be with me, it was honestly the best thing for us. I feel like had we not had the distance we had during college, we wouldn't have grown as two separate individuals. We would have been together all the time and not had a chance to have our own experiences, friend group and stories which I think is extremely crucial to mature as a youth. Even now living under the same roof, it's important to have time away from each other. Alec and I will often go out with separate friends during the weekend and keep our normal routines after work that we would have been doing if we lived on our own. Lastly, the other thing that makes distance such an important part of a relationship is "absence makes the heart grow stronger." I know this sounds cliche to say but take a minute to actually think about it. How many times have you forgotten something at home on a long trip and it's the only thing you can think about while you're there? When you get home, you feel so much more appreciative of that item, just by it being "absent" for a period of time. I know that this might be a silly analogy but it's the easiest way for me to explain it. Often times in everyday life we forget how fortunate we are to have someone to love and to care for us. But if you were to take a step back and think about it not being there or go somewhere without it, you appreciate it so much more.
Compromise
Another big one on my list is compromise. In all honesty, if you can't compromise on things in a relationship, it isn't going to last! When moving in together and being in each other's space constantly, it is extremely crucial to make compromises to keep each other happy. When we first moved in we made it clear that I would do all the cleaning and Alec would do all the cooking. making this clear compromise made it easy to keep each other accountable for what our daily functions in the household were as well as taking care of tasks that were comfortable and happy to do. Another thing we routinely compromise on is the TV. I know that sounds like a first-world problem, but you would be surprised how many couples have huge riffs in their relationship due to this. Alec is a huge sports fan so there are days where we both watch sports together, some days he watches on his tablet with headphones and I get to watch my shows on TV, and other times I watch TV on my phone with headphones and he watches sports on the TV. Understanding each other's time and being able to compromise and share the space is so crucial for a long lasting harmonious relationship.
True love and knowledge of your feelings
Often times I feel like couples mistake liking or loving someone for being "in love" with someone. When you're in a relationship, whether it be short or long term, you have to be true to yourself and be able to understand your feelings. A lot of couples mistake happiness and love for being in love with someone. If you are truly looking for a long term relationship you should be in love with the person. You can care about someone without being in love. I find that couples I have come into contact with are sometimes afraid of telling their partner how they feel and are scared to hurt the person by telling them they don't feel the same way about them. I think its just has hurtful to the other person and yourself to stay in a relationship with someone just because you don't want to hurt them or your afraid of being single. Be true to yourself and know when the right person comes around, you'll just know.
Listening and understanding each others needs and wants
If you aren't listening, you aren't understanding. If you don't listen to your partner's needs and wants, you're not fully participating in the relationship. Often times signals can get confusing and we don't always truly understand what the other is saying. It's important to listen carefully, and if you're not understanding something, ask your partner to clarify so that you can better cater to their needs. You need to have an honest enough relationship to be able to tell the other when you don't understand what they are saying, but you can't do that if you haven't started listening and soaking in the conversation.
Keep things fresh
One thing that we are continuously doing is "keeping things fresh". We often will go out on a date night, take a walk, or see something we both haven't seen before. you would honestly be amazed how much you don't know about your partner until you put yourself in a different surrounding. I still learn new things about Alec when we go to a new place just by interacting in places we have both never been to or seen before
Share your passions with each other
It's sometimes hard to share passions with each other because we all like different things. I work in Fashion Marketing and Alec works in Tech Sales so we don't really align on careers. One thing we both love to do is travel. We don't always have the budget to do so, but when we do, we love to travel together. Seeing new places, experiencing new cultures, and eating new things together honestly brings us that much more love for each other.There is nothing better than sharing a passion with the person you love.
XOXO,
Michelle
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